Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I'm Sorry, Your Plan is Backfiring

Dear Republican Congressman Mike Sodrel and the Committee to Elect Said Candidate Running for Re-Election,

As a citizen residing somewhere in Indiana's 9th District, I have the great misfortune to be a recipient of bi-weekly "robocalls" (good term there, Masson). Why am I addressing you and your supporters with my complaint? Because, Congressman Sodrel, when I answer these calls, I am told a story. It is a story in which you are the brave, moral hero, and the villain is none other than your evil, heathen opponent, Baron Hill. The story claims that Baron is running a "negative campaign," amongst many other things. I generally don't listen to the rest of the story for a handful of reasons:

1. The person on the other end of the phone is always reading in a very boring, monotone voice that my brain automatically rejects.
2. I find it hard to believe that Baron is the one running a negative campaign when I haven't received a single call from persons representing him that are bashing you.
3. I have better things to do than listen to mudslinging political phone calls.
4. Most importantly, I don't really like you. I think you're kinda sleazy. You don't represent any of the my "Hoosier values," and seeing that I am a resident of Indiana and therefore, unfortunately, a marked "Hoosier," in order to obtain my vote, you'll probably have to agree on a few things I feel are important. You are pro-life, anti-stem cell research, pro-Patriot Act permanence, anti-grassroots politics, pro-unauthorized snooping on civilians, and anti-social and welfare reform. You're also quite obviously against gay marriage.

So, in short, Congressman, why the fuck would I vote for you?

Let me answer that question for you: I WON'T.

And I will be duly relieved when next week is over and I don't have to hear about you again for at least two more years.

Sincerely yours in all her pro-choice, pro-gays marryin', atheistic, democratic, social-reformin' glory,
Gigi J. Frankenstein

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm tired of just about all the political ads. I think I'd actually rather watch that creepy Gap ad with Audrey Hepburn.

indygirl said...

Hell yes!!!

Timmy said...

You better get to the polls! Save the 9th!

Lurve you! When do you get to hang out again?

gigi said...

lurve you, too, timmy! don't know when i'll be hanging out again - kind of in a domestic phase right now. i will definitely see you at the birfday bash, though!

Only me said...

Giddup girl! You go! Love that letter!

Stacey said...

I think I love you, you raging liberal.