It has been decided upon by a committee of highly astute people and by scientific survey that so-called "comedian," one Mr. Dane Cook, is officially declared "not funny."
Despite popular belief and a near-rabid following, it shall remain proven henceforth that Mr. Cook's jokes are trite, his attitude smarmy, his looks unremarkable (no, ladies and gentlemen, he is not "hot"), his accent annoying, and his talent mediocre at best. His general status can best be described with the adjectives "obnoxious" and "overrated."
Furthermore, anyone who allows himself to be romantically linked to Jessica Simpson is hereby granted the label of "douche bag."
You, Mr. Cook, have officially been declared "not funny," i.e., your jokes do not make me laugh.
Best of luck in your future endeavors.