Friday, May 19, 2006

This Shit Practically Writes Itself

These are all police reports from a town in which I no longer reside:

  • Suspicious activity involving two males dressed in “Gothic” clothing
  • Suspicious activity involving a woman going door-to-door asking to live with residents for a contest
  • Criminal mischief involving a male subject stuffing clothing down his pants and urinating on them
  • Medical problem involving an intoxicated female drinking mouthwash
  • Information from a neighbor concerned about another neighbor with ducks and chickens
  • Family fight involving a 14-year-old male who put his mother in a headlock
  • Disorderly conduct involving neighbors playing loud music and chopping wood
  • Family fight involving a male subject mad because his wife wouldn’t go to a concert. The female said the male pushed her out of a rocking chair.
  • Family fight involving a female subject hitting a male subject on the head with a skillet. The man told police he was bleeding profusely.
  • Juvenile problem involving a female with ratty hair refusing to go to school
  • Family fight at funeral home
  • Battery involving a juvenile tattooed by an adult
  • Theft of unknown items, Dollar General Store

    aughra said...

    The town in which I work has a police briefs section. A woman called the cops because someone had squirted ketchup on her back steps.

    This was not the first time it had happened.

    IDigHootchAndCootch said...

    if your police reports contained one more incident, something to the effect of:

    naked, drunk neighbour licks the inside of his livingroom window as young girls walk by his house

    I would be sure you were tuned into my neighbourhood

    indygirl said...

    ^ ewwwwwww

    Doesn't she know a skillet to the head is so cliche?

    SFChick74 said...

    Granny wants her heavy metal!