Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Crock of Shit Pot

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a crock pot.

Also known as a "slow-cooker," the crock-pot and I have never had a very good relationship. My mother is quite a fan of the crock, and she can use it very well. So once I was an official "adult" and living not with my parents, I thought, hey! I can use one, too!

So for Christmas one year, Mom got me one. We'll call this Crock A.

Crock A got used twice. The first time, she was used to make chili. It took all damn day and was, at best, mediocre. The second time in use was for a big batch of cocktail wieners. Yum, yum. However, Crock A met her demise after the wieners had been consumed and I was washing her out. She was still a bit slippery, and I dropped her on the kitchen floor. She cracked, big time, and couldn't be used again.

The following Christmas, I was going to prepare a big dinner for a group of family and friends. I planned on making some good, hearty cheese dip. Not wanting to actually go out and buy my own new crock, I borrowed one from a friend named Rachel. We'll call this Crock B.

Crock B's cheese dip was a big hit, but I was a bit overzealous and made too much. After the feast, I was too lazy to clean it out, so I set it aside for the next day. Well, the next day came and went for about two months, and Crock B sat in a little corner of my kitchen, cheese still inside, waiting to be cleaned out. I peeked once and was too grossed out to do anything with it (granted, I was pregnant at the time and everything made me nauseous). Rachel finally came to retrieve Crock B one day in February. Being a great friend, she said she'd clean it out herself. I later found out she did this in her back yard with a garden hose and a bottle of Comet.

The homemaker vibe hit me once again late last year, and I put a crock-pot on my Christmas list. Mom came through, once again. We'll call this Crock C.

I purchased a very special frozen crock-pot meal and decided to make it yesterday. I put the ingredients in in the morning and started her up. With any luck, it would be ready by the time I got home from work.

Ready, it was, but edible, I'm not so sure. It smelled funky. And LOOKED funky. Manny said, "It looks like someone ate it and then threw it back up into the crock-pot." And he was exactly right. So I dumped it into the garbage disposal and made something else instead.

So if anyone has any successful crock-pot stories, I'd like to hear them

Here's a great drawing by Natalie Dee about a crock-pot.


Nölff said...

I wish I had a crock pot story for you. I can only cook tommato soup and brew coffee. That is all I live off of.

indygirl said...

Hmm. I haven't reached that level of domestication quite yet. I just put all my money in a food processor so a crock is far away.

ads510 said...

i think there is some beef stew cooking up in our crock pot at home right now. I'll have to let you know if it ends up being edible...We actually make some pretty good pot roast and chili in the crock pot. Crock pot recipes are some of the few things that I can actually cook.

aughra said...

Comet and garden hose? Disgusting!!

I just made a roast last night. Put a hung of beef in, set for ten hours. Two hours later, put in baby carrots and some potatoes. This morning, had a roast to put away for the husband.

I also do turkey breasts in there. That's the extent of it so far.

fatrobot said...

my wife has every kitchen appliance ever invented
and a few new to science

George Larson said...

My mother was not so fond of the crock pot.

However, she made up for it with her fondness of the crack pipe.

Fond memories, regardless.