Saturday, January 14, 2006

Kroger is Hazardous to Your Health

We're having company tonight. Manny's sister, her girlfriend, his brother and his brother's wife, and his brother's best friend and his girlfriend are all coming over for some pizza, beer, and games. So I run out to the grocery for some essentials.

I'm perusing the alcohol aisle and there's a man standing maybe six feet away from me. By himself. And then he starts talking. Something about "It should only take ten minutes. Get there as soon as possible..." and I'm like, "What?" He then looks at me like I'm the crazy one. Then he turns and walks away. With his cell phone earpiece in the other ear.

Note to anyone who walks around in public with a cell phone earpiece in: You look like you're talking to yourself. You look like a complete fool. You may think you're all cutting-edge and too important to be bothered with actually holding the phone, but everyone else thinks you're a douche bag.

So then I proceed to the checkout line. I pull up to start unloading my cart when the check-out girl (are they still called that?) barks at me, "DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING UNDER YOUR CART YOU NEED HELP WITH?" Like I'm going through customs and she's asking if I have anything to declare. Stunned, I look at her and reply, "Um...nnnnno." Stupidly, though, I look, just to be sure.

Halfway through my checking out, the fifth-grader wearing a Colts jersey who is bagging my groceries just walks away. I pay for my groceries and then the check-out girl proceeds to ring up the next customer. With half of my stuff still just sitting there. Confused, I bag it up and try to get the hell out of there.

I go through the doors with my cart and almost run over a fourteen-year-old girl with gigantic boobs and no bra wearing an Evanescence t-shirt and way too much eyeliner.

I couldn't get the fuck home fast enough.

4 comments:

SFChick74 said...

The crazies and idiots are out in full force.

I hate those Blue Tooth things. They look like some sort of tribal earring when I see them out of the corner of my eye.

Nölff said...

You love Evanescence.

gigi said...

shut up. i do not

popfizz said...

you sure she was 14?? damn...

seemed she and i had so much in common with her big boobs and all.

oh.. and i would have punched the bag boy.